Survival Guide: Television Doomsday

97televisiondoomsday Separator

by Noor Alnaqeeb (@nooralnaqeeb)

Are you feeling stressed at work? Unable to concentrate on the demanding tasks you’ve been set? Do you suffer from incessant weeping at the sight of a Chuck or Firefly poster? Well, then you might be suffering from a mixture of separation anxiety and doomsday depression. What is doomsday depression, you might ask? It’s the fear of the end of the world. That is, the world of your favorite television shows.

We’ve all experienced it. Whether it was due to a show hiatus, the end of a season or the unfathomable end to an entire series. We’ve been there. We’ve dodged the last few episodes like they were the plague. Started watching every blooper reel or behind-the-scenes video YouTube can supply. We’ve even gotten an unknowing friend to start watching and loving it because after all, misery does love company. Well I’m here to mercifully inform you that there are ways to survive that final season finale.

There are the five stages of television show grief:

Step One: Denial and Procrastination.

A voice at the back of your head will tell you that your information is wrong and you are definitely not on the last episode. You’ll suddenly notice that old pile of laundry on your desk chair that needs to be done. The urge to rearrange your room will consume you. And while you’re at it, you’ll try baking a cake, or five.

Step Two: Anger.

Who are you kidding? You can’t hold off watching the season finale! So before it airs: finale-proof your room. Keep all breakable objects out of arm’s reach. Warn all humans, pets and inanimate objects to ignore any screaming they hear during that hour. If you’re watching the finale on your laptop, do not catapult your laptop across the room. If you’re watching the finale on your TV, do not punch a hole through your television.


Step Three: Bargaining and Researching.

You will feel the need. The need for speedily researching every single thing you can find online about the series. The Internet is your friend. You’ve got endless blooper reels, interviews, conventions and behind-the-scenes. You name it; it’s out there. Watch every video. Download every soundtrack. Re-watch the Pilot and look at all their young, unsuspecting faces.


Step Four: Depression.

Buy tissues. Buy ice cream. Buy the DVD set. Proceed accordingly.


Step Five: Acceptance.

You’ll see a rerun on television or the DVD set on the table. You won’t say anything, but you’d know that you had made it; that you were happy. I never wanted you to come back to Gotham… oh sorry, wrong inspirational speech.


The final step can go one of two ways. First and foremost, the show might’ve ended, but the members of the cast and crew are still out there. So support the men and women who put their blood, sweat and tears into creating this masterpiece and more will follow.

And as for the times when you miss the series itself. The series doesn’t end with its last episode. It ends with its last fan. Keep it alive with your enthusiasm and passion for the characters that you love or the feeling you get at the end of every spine-tingling episode. Then maybe, doomsday will simply never pass.


    6 Comments

  1. PeavesSeptember 7th, 2012 at 12:21 pm

    I think the best ice cream suggestion for this is: Ben & Jerry’s Late Night Snack.

  2. NoorSeptember 8th, 2012 at 12:53 am

    Agreed. Four types of comfort food rolled in one tub of heaven 🙂

  3. Nerd HerderSeptember 8th, 2012 at 5:26 am

    oh this was totally me when the last episode of chuck aired

  4. NiaSeptember 8th, 2012 at 4:00 pm

    literally my life in a nutshell

  5. GabbySeptember 8th, 2012 at 7:19 pm

    Have you been spying on us? This is exactly what happened to me at the end of Firefly,Chuck, end of season four of Castle….You’re good

  6. nick_soapdishSeptember 10th, 2012 at 12:34 am

    hahaha, that was me, including researching everythig i could about the show and learning about the various times it was almost cancelled.

    🙁

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