How to Be a Real-Life Video Game Character

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By: Biz Hyzy

We love video games, be it racing as a bandicoot, eating through a maze made of yellow dots, or bringing peace as a dragonborn. So why should the fun stop after we click off our consoles? If you wish your everyday life had a touch more fantasy in it, emulate those pixelated characters you so admire! Check out the list below on how to look, act, and feel like a video game character.

Style Yourself

Always wanted to dye your hair a funky color? Now’s your chance! While you’re at it, buy yourself a cloak that billows dramatically in the wind and don 18 different kinds of strappy belts at once. If there’s one thing video game characters have, it’s a personalized look, so why shouldn’t you? If anyone mocks you for it, remember: they’re just boring townsfolk; you’re the one on a mission to save the world, so you might as well look the part!

This is also a perfect opportunity to celebrate a feature you might not usually like about yourself. Did Beatrix lose an eye before the events of Final Fantasy IX? Who knows, who cares! She’s too busy being and looking awesome in her super cool eye patch!

Learn a New Skill

Summer is almost here, so now’s the perfect time to sign up for an archery, fencing, or martial arts class (which will feel extra badass with your purple hair, black cloak, and 18 belts). Consider taking a chemistry course just so you can call yourself an alchemist, or get really into aromatherapy so you can heal your friends through their ailments. Become so talented in one specific skillset that people can’t help but rely on your expertise.

Learn a New Language

Probably Japanese. Or Latin.

Play Puzzles and Games

Someone may challenge you to a battle of wits, and you never know when you’ll need the extra cash.

Volunteer

If you want to save the world, you got to put the work in. Pick a cause you’re passionate about and dedicate some time to it. All you have to do is google opportunities, but here or here might be good places to start.

Get a Sweet Ride

For those of you that can afford fancy cars, go for it! The rest of us will tie three balloons to the back of our bikes and pitch banana peels.

Get a Non-Human Sidekick

An unknown species is preferable but adopting a normal pet works, too. Unlike most video game characters, please take consistently good care of your best bud instead of just demanding its assistance whenever you require it.

Travel

Other countries (or planets) would be ideal. If that’s not feasible, drive around town. Adventure is everywhere, so find it in a nearby forest preserve or farmers market or skyscraper or art fair. While you’re there…

Talk to Everyone

Literally everyone. Neighbors, children, royalty – strike up a conversation! You never know what tidbits they may drop which may guide you to your destiny. Expert tip: start the same conversation over and over, only leaving when they begin to repeat themselves. If they mention a location or person, find him/her/it immediately!

Open Treasure Chests

Or whatever the modern equivalent is – rummaging through drawers? It doesn’t count as stealing if you’re using it for potions and armor, right?

Make a Personal Soundtrack

Construct an instrumental playlist where the different songs represent your various moods. Your main piece should be light, pleasant, and repetitive. The moment you feel threatened or startled, however, immediately thumb to an action track. Under these circumstances, you should probably…

Bounce

Bounce in place. Or vary it up by running in small circles, then bouncing in place. It means you’re prepared for anything. If that sounds ridiculous to you, imagine a grand voice announcing, “Ready Player One,” and it should put you right in the bouncing mood.

Develop a Catch Phrase

Nothing’s more fun than jabbing the taunt button repeatedly while playing Mario Party with your friends, so why stop there? Craft a catch phrase (bonus points if you refer to yourself in the third person) and drop it periodically. A la Super Smash Bros., you should probably accompany it with a dramatic gesture too.

The first few times you utter your catch phrase, it’ll probably sound ridiculous. The next few times, your friends will probably roll their eyes. Eventually, they’ll get used to it, like a bad habit. Some people got annoyed with Axel’s, “Got it memorized?” in Kingdom Hearts II, but I thought it was fab every time!

Best of luck with the new, video game-inspired you! Be sure to share your new looks and catchphrases!


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