Four Sherlocks Who Never Actually Say “Elementary”
by Jessica Black (@jblacktalk)
1. Sherlock aka Brits take over remaking their own ‘ish because we mess it up
Or as I call it, Sherception. This show is like a mix betwixt eating at a French restaurant and that horror movie Johnny Depp was in. Not only is new Sherlock excessively brainy, he has a brother, a backstory and a nemesis, who is attractive in a Adrian-Brody-had-a-baby-with-
When BBC’s Sherlock is not too busy having diagnosed psychotic disorders he can be found flirting with (male) Watson and receiving, but never responding to, steamy text messages in a seductress-hunting chess game so suave that it would move Barney Stinson to tears.
Benedict Cumberbatch (as Sherlock Holmes), who took an extended leave of absence from the harlequin romance novel from which he sprung, does not disappoint in the loveable scoundrel or the cheekbone department. He is fly. Irene Adler, played by Lara Pulver is the sexy, wounded ladyscoundrel who whips up enough sexual tension to make Matt Lauer and his mirror look like “just friends.”
Overall, this Sherlockian mystery/crime/cerebral/
2. Sherlock Holmes in the 22nd Century
Other than Chia Pets infomercials Sherlock Holmes in the 22nd Century was the best thing on between 6:00 and 7:00 a.m. on weekdays in the prepubescent millennium (1999-2000). Officer Beth Lestrade basically tags along with cloned Sherlock Holmes while he tries to out-[de]duce cloned Professor Moriarty. Also, Watson is a super computer. Makes sense.
3. Sherlock Holmes
What else is there to say? Iron Man plays neurotic British detective who loves street rat Regina George.
This movie only got 70% on Rotten Tomatoes, which I’m pretty sure is just because everyone was still on stimulus overload by Pocahontas in Smurf land.
I loved Sherlock Holmes because it was the first non-Scooby-Doo movie to take a U-turn at “eerie” before “supernatural” and stop for gas at “romantic comedy.” Not to mention the unquestionable coolness of Minority-Reporting a boxing match.
Basically, this show is an excuse for Lucy Liu to have chemistry with a guy wearing a scarf. I only heard of this show because of the Super Bowl commercial. Elementary exists in a Hulu-free universe (Like, seriously, it’s not on Hulu. Het over yourself CBS.), which is like eating pudding with a fork. Not impossible but really freaking annoying — some internet meme.
In this Sherlock universe, Holmes has just checked out of rehab and is distracting himself with crime-solving and dressing like Dave Matthews.