Adventures of a Non-Gamer: Fast and Furious Showdown
by Shawnie Kelly (@DearShawnie)
Why would I ever play Fast and Furious: Showdown, you ask? Good question! I have three rules concerning the Fast and Furious movie franchise — see every single one, make fun of every single one, secretly enjoy every single one to the max. (Minus Tokyo Drift. Bow-wow’s in and Paul Walker’s out? What were they thinking, amirite?) Needless to say, the ridiculousness of the movies most definitely translates into the video game. But my last gaming adventure was Minecraft so I wanted something a little more… hmm, how do you say “Vin Diesel-ish”? *giggle* I asked myself, do you want to put blocks on top of each other for the next two hours or do you want to DRIFT? I’m not going to lie, you guys, I don’t really know what drifting is. But I think it has something to do with cars. Basically, this is Nickelback in the form of a video game. That makes no sense until you play it. It’s somehow the equivalent of cheesy rock music, but with like, Ludacris and Pitbull rapping in the background. It was terrible in the most awesome of ways; I had a lot of fun.
In co-op mode, some of the main objectives involve intentionally running into cars and flipping them, along with some other purposefully-chaotic things. So right from the start this was playing to my strengths. Now I’ve had my fair share of anxiety involving car-driving games, but this was actually doable for me. Probably because the graphics were so far behind what’s current that I was basically back to my old N64 domination. (Oh snap). Yes, that’s right. The graphics were not great. Aren’t you guys proud of me for recognizing this? I’ve come so far. *sniffles*. Along with the 2004 feel of everything, it was also the most hilariously bad acting and writing. Voice acting, that is. It was monotone city up in this piece, y’all. My co-op partner (a regular gamer, mind you) was all kinds of confused on what was happening because they literally did not explain anything. When we turned on the game there were cars falling from sky and stuff. It was the best kind of confusion. I actually enjoyed some of his anger as it was just a little taste of what I go through every time I pick up a controller.
This game got me thinking. We should probably turn all of our “so ridiculous they’re awesome” movies into video games. I’m talking every Nicholas Cage masterpiece, anything with The Rock, every movie that involves lake predators and all of their sequels, and my personal favorite: Batman and Robin circa 1997. Alicia Silverstone was my 90’s hero! Can you imagine all of the amazingness that would come from Piranha 3D, the video game?
Anyway, back to being furiously fast. One thing that actually did cause me to stress a little is that you play as a team… which is kind of weird. I thought it would be more of a racing vibe. But unless you fulfill your half of the objective, your partner cannot advance to the next level. I’m normally okay with this in shooters and other formats, but with cars… you don’t know my struggles. There were a lot of do-overs on my part, but we pushed through. I can sum up the entire experience in the following conversation which actually took place.
Person 1: I mean we’re so far. I can actually beat this game.
Person 2: I mean do we want to beat this game?
So the answer to the question you never asked is yes. You should definitely play this. All your dreams will come true, I promise.
Happy gaming, you gamers!