Adventures of a Non-Gamer: Assassin’s Creed Round Two

1114aong Separator

by Shawnie Kelly (@DearShawnie)

When most people have a traumatizing experience, they lock that experience into the deepest recess of their minds, only to call upon it when they need a good cry or something. That’s not what non-gamers do. Non-gamers have traumatizing gaming experiences one right after the other, but do we quit? No. We press on with the strength of a warrior, conquering our greatest fears, climbing the highest mountains! Too dramatic?

The first time I played Assassin’s Creed, I ran into some issues. I’m happy to report that no permanent physical, spiritual, or emotional damage was done. Thankfully, when your pride dies, you don’t actually die. I was informed via twitter (where are all of the most important information is divulged) that the game I was playing, Revelations, is really not the best AC game to start with. Upon further investigation, I found that not only is Revelations not the best way to begin playing AC, it’s a sequel that’s not actually an official sequel — it’s a “chapter.” I didn’t know a sequel could be a non-sequel. Like I said, twitter be dropping knowledge.

The confusing lineup of AC chapters definitely contributed to some of the complications I experienced during my first run, but I decided to NOT take a step backwards and play game one. Naturally, I ignored the advice of well-seasoned gamers and dove headfirst into Assassin’s Creed III. I went rogue. Just a rebel without a cause, y’all.

I loved it so much! The Revolutionary War setting was my favorite because it reminded me of one of my top five movies of all time — The Patriot. (I’m not telling you my other four because two of them would most likely discredit anything I ever say to you ever again). I was hoping crazy-town Mel Gibson would jump out of the bushes with his tomahawk; unfortunately, that never happened. Lots of other cool stuff happened though, like slow-motion sequences. Hello, it’s 2012! If Zack Morris paused time in 1991, we should be able to slow-mo in real life by now. Another cool thing I discovered this time around that I didn’t realize before was that you don’t have to kill everyone to get to the templar. For some reason, I thought that I wouldn’t be able to kill the templar until I got through everyone else, which anyone familiar with AC knows is virtually impossible in some situations. I could have saved so much time and heartache! You live and you learn, right? My grandmother taught me that, and I just decided that she probably plays Assassin’s Creed all day, every day. How else does one become so wise?

The most amazing thing that has ever happened since I started my gaming adventures happened to me while playing this game the other day. I actually became good at something — good at something having to do with gaming, that is. I’M REALLY GOOD AT LOTS OF OTHER STUFF. Anyway, there is this moment in the game where Connor (Yes, I remember the name of the guy!) has to eavesdrop on these two weirdoes that are planning something terrible. I think they are trying to kill George Washington, and G.W. is my homeboy. In order to foil the plot, you have to stick with the pair of conspirators without being seen or heard. When you’re spotted, you’ve failed the mission. I was playing with an official AC fanatic who failed this mission seven times! When he was taking a snackie break (a.k.a. snack break), I grabbed the controller and decided to give it a go; he walked back in just as I reached the next checkpoint. He dropped his cool ranch Doritos!!! If there’s anything I’m great at, it’s listening to other people’s conversations. Who knew it would come in handy during a video game sesh? Basically, what I’m trying to say is that I’m totally a professional now. Don’t ever make me prove that last statement.

Happy gaming, you gamers!
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